Freshly Squeezed Celebrity Juice

Here’s the brief headlines from Crappywood California’s celebrity gossip. After that American Idol shitstorm last night I haven’t slept and found myself going through withdrawl…..shakes…..getting cold….very cold…..need a fix…..Seacrest go OUT (of the closet).

David Cook Is The New American Idol:
Man that dude has a huge head. It was almost like it was a giant melon cartoon head. He is freakishly odd shaped. Star Muscle has learned that it is not true that Clay Aiken was backstage to console the loser (orally) David Archuleta

Brangelina Twins May Be Coming Soon:
Jolie recently issued a press release stating her due date as August 19. But sounces tell me that she was already pregnant during the last days of filming Clint Eastwood’s “Changeling.” Yaaaaahn.

Jewel Says Record Label Is Not Helping Her:
She was one of the most influential artists of the ’90s after selling more than 12 million copies of her debut album ‘Pieces of You.’ But behind the scenes, songstress Jewel says she was in a mess with her former label, Atlantic Records. Go write a poem about it bitch!

Shania Twain Considered ‘Other Woman’ a Close Friend:
The reported “other woman” in Shania Twain’s separation from her husband was a close friend of the singer’s, sources told Starmuscle.com

Kristin Davis: “I’m a Recovering Alcoholic”:
‘Sex and the City’ star Kristin Davis is a recovering alcoholic, she recently told Star Muscle. Who isn’t? Who cares? Just in time for the movie…how convienent.

Judge Likely to Rule This Week in ‘Imagine’ Suit:
The judge was expected to rule as early as this week on the legal battle between John Lennon’s widow and the makers of “Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed.”

Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler Enters Rehab:
Aerosmith singer Steven Tyler has checked into a drug rehabilitation clinic, according to Starmuscle.com. At his age, let the guy have some friggin fun. Let’s hope it is booze and noty heroin.

Four Witnesses ID Alleged Victim in R. Kelly Trial:
Prosecutors trying to prove that a woman appeared in a sex tape with R. Kelly when she was underage — over her protestations that she didn’t — have turned to one of her childhood friends, the friend’s father and two relatives. Come on people, throw this rapist in jail.

Actor Sues ‘Dog the Bounty Hunter’ Producers:
Boris Krutonog of Los Angeles says the A&E Television Networks and others failed to pay him for the fourth season of the show as its creator and co-executive producer. The entertainment business is so dirty, let’s hope Boris gets paid or his Russian ‘friends’ may give him an Eastern Promise that they will never forget.

Ex-’Idol’ Contestant Luke Menard Has Hodgkin’s Lymphoma
Former “American Idol” contestant Luke Menard has stage II Hodgkin’s lymphoma, a representative for the singer’s a capella group Chapter 6 confirmed. Starmuscle.com wishes him all the best.

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